Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Silver Linings

So anyone who knows me, knows that I've gone a little 'wackadoo' lately.  Complete mental breakdown, emotional overload, panic attacks, depression.....You get the picture. 

It appears that the old saying is true...dark clouds do indeed have silver linings.  I can't say that it's always true, but it seems to be in this case. 

What is the internet without lolcats?

Firstly, as I have spoken out about what I'm going through, my friends have rallied around me.  They've shared their own stories and in doing so our relationships have grown closer.  In making ourselves vulnerable to each other we ended up making ourselves stronger.  We support and encourage and build each other up.  Sometimes it's in person and sometimes it's just messages, but I love all of these friends and I know that this journey would be far longer and more difficult without them in my life.


The second thing, and perhaps even more amazing, is my marriage.  Our relationship has always been great...not perfect, nothing is perfect, but still great.  My hubby is my best friend and our marriage is my foundation.  I am absolutely in love with the man.  But let's face facts....after 21 years together things get a little too comfortable.  We know each other so well that we don't talk as much as we used to.  We agree on most things so talking about them is like preaching to the choir.  For the things we don't agree on, we've already talked those to death.  We started taking each other for granted... never in thought, but often in action.  You know those old couples that you see in restaurants...the ones that will sit through an entire meal and not say a word to each other...one might even be reading the paper.  Those couples have always made me so sad, but I totally understand how that happens.

Well here's the wonderful thing.... As I have been on this road to recovery, the hubby has jumped into action to take care of me, support me, encourage me, calm me and generally let me know how much he loves me, how much I mean to him and how much he wants me in his life.  I, in turn, am trying to do the same for him.  In my current state it isn't always easy... I always feel it, but it can be hard to show someone just how happy they make you when you're crying all the time.  The words combined with the behaviour just aren't convincing.  But, as a whole, big changes are happening.  We're having date days and date nights.  We're being far more affectionate.  We're openly discussing our needs and our wants and we're finding compromises when those desires are sometimes polar opposites.  We're finding things to do together, things that we can share and talk about. 

I think it's pretty accurate to say that we've shaved a good ten years off our marriage.  To expect the excitement and jitters of the early days would be unreasonable, but we've changed our marital path away from that sad old couple to a more vibrant future.  My love for him has grown and evolved since the day I met him, but now I feel like we've looked at what the future holds and we're putting a plan in action to make sure that we are as connected then as we are now.

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