Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Who The Hell Is That In My Mirror?

I caught sight of myself in the mirror last night after my shower and I just stared for about 15 minutes.  I'm down to 114 pounds - still 8 pounds heavier than I was on my wedding day 18 years ago, but 12 pounds lighter than I was 2 months ago (before my breakdown).  12 pounds might not seem like much, but consider that I've lost almost 10% of my original body mass and I thought I was at a pretty healthy weight then.

The lower half of my body is looking pretty good.  My thighs and hips and butt have trimmed down nicely.  My stomach is as flat as it was in high school.  I'm pretty happy about that.  But then there's my upper half.  My cup size has gone from a C to a B - not a huge deal, but disappointing nonetheless.  It's the other areas that don't look healthy.  It's okay when I'm just standing there, but then I inhale and that's when things change.  Not even a deep breath.  Just a normal intake of oxygen.  The first thing I noticed is that I could see the outline of my ribcage above my breasts.  Made me look emaciated.  But that wasn't even the worst part.  There is cartilage at the front base of the ribcage just above the diaphragm.  A quick Google search tells me it's called the 'xiphoid process'.  When I inhale, it looks like a big lump.  STILL not the grossest part.  It sits very close to the heart so I can actually watch the damn thing pulse.  That's just sexy!  <insert sarcastica font here>

Found a picture of this lump on someone else since the hubby probably doesn't want me posting naked pics on the web.

So considering I'm beginning to look like the poster girl for anorexia, it's time to do something about it.  I need to start eating more and I need to start moving.  The hubby suggested McDonald's, but I want to do this right.  Proper healthy meals and snacks to begin with.  All four food groups in appropriate portions.  Good thing my garden's coming in nicely so soon I'll have more produce in my back yard. 

As for moving, I think I'll start with slow walks on the treadmill to see what my endurance is and maybe build it up a little.  Then I'll move it outside.  Maybe I can even keep the general shape and just build up some muscle and toning.  Now if only there was a way to inject a Big Mac into my boobs...?

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